Getting Older, Feeling Younger :)

Another 12th October has gone. I wanted a very quiet birthday. No doubt I enjoy all the adulation , all the "didi" fame, wise person etc etc. and I know the source of it so give it back :) but there are times when I want to be just Swati - a simple girl. No suffix attached. I had told everyone not to come late night or early morning to wish me. This is something very obvious which is done. 

I also knew that the YES!+ volunteers would be planning some surprise - that's also obvious. An easy escape route I thought of initially was going out of Delhi. Since my birthday was on Saturday, a weekend plan was feasible. But eventually that did not materialize :( So I knew I had to be in Delhi and go through things which I don't want to. 

" What you resist, persists" - I said to myself..ok! Let me not resist now. Let me put a smiling face and celebrate whatever comes my way. If I am meant to celebrate it this way, so be it! I did few good things at midnight...cutting cake..catching up with few people..but the thing I was looking forward was the Navchandi Homa in the morning. 

I decided to attend the one with Rishi Vidyadharji at Temple of Knowledge, Noida in the morning at 7 am. Early morning drive to Noida was lovely and those 5 hours of puja were scintillating. It was so meditative. I felt so nice to get to be with myself on my birthday. All this while I could think of only Guruji and then , as always, the question arose in mind - What am I doing with my life? Look at people who have organised this event, so much sewa they are doing and what am I doing? Not even an inch of the Master's work. everything at that point in time felt so meaningless  I was crying in pain of not being there for Master's work and getting stuck in material things! But i very strongly believe that everything is a divine plan. Possibly I have to undergo this test of fire to come out as a diamond.  I regained spirit and got back into the games of the world. The Puja was wonderful. The last few moments when the bhajan is played " Durge Durge Jai Jai Ma" and you can feel the devi bhaav rising and engulfing you....those few moments of gratefulness :) :) And then followed the Amrit varsha by Rishiji! How he can change moods from a learned person to a child like masti! Super fun it was getting drenched in bliss! 

Came back in the afternoon and there was a plan to go to the orphanage. I knew there was

something fishy and the YES!+ bacha log would be planning something but I was too occupied to think what they would do? At the max they would come together and surprise me. I was blindfolded and taken to a place. And what I see is they had organised a Guru Puja and a satsang!! Wow! They had decorated the place, called the singer and the musicians! I felt so wonderful. The puja and the satsang were both amazing and made me have my Guru moments :) I couldn't control my tears of gratefulness - The guru loves me SO much! He made me realize that I am doing his work so i don't need to worry! He is getting things done through me. Seeing the young kids organizing the Puja and attending the satsang made me say to myself - " Swati! Today you have been successful as an Art of Living Teacher. His mission through you is getting accomplished :)"

And then had dandiya celebrations till wee hours! Hardly slept for more than 3 hours in those 24 hours but I think it was meditation that kept me going!

Every time I stumble...every time things seem meaningless ...everytime I have BIG question marks...everytime I cry in longing...everytime I miss you....YOU make me realise you are right there with me!  <3>

My heart is singing this right now ,

" Mere pyaar ki umar ho itni sanam...

tere naam pe shuru, tere naam pe khatam...."

:)

Keep Smiling

Swati'