Fir Wahi Din!

I wanted to write this post on 3rd December but got too much caught up.

This date is special . I had written about his last year here. My Guru for the first time spoke to me physically and completely turned around my life. His one answer changed my direction. I joined the job on 4th January 2013. Only I know how much efforts it had taken to bring myself to get into a full time job. It was hard to be away from the dream of being a full time Art of Living Teacher but probably my intention wasn't that strong or I wasn't destined.

But whatever has happened , it is for good, And in this one year, I've seen amazing changes in me. I've removed my barriers, learnt balancing life in a better manner. My friendships have grown stronger. My confidence in my skills has increased. My bank balance has increased ;) And I get to hear less remarks from the family now. BUT, I miss my guru :(  Though I've been to Ashram twice this year, done Shivratri special advance course and Guru Puja Phase I, taken YES!+ courses, managed many things but stil.... It is only the Guru who has been there besides me to made me do all this. He has just been there....I know! All by myself I am nothing! It is only HIS grace that is getting me all the adulation and praise.

In my job, the trust my Boss has in me, the freedom they give me to take decisions , the flexibility they provide to carry out AOL activities...all has been sheer grace. I may have been surrounded by my own problems in life but he has made me his instrument to solve others' problems...I may cry in isolation at times but he has made me bring smiles in others lives...I may not have answers to the questions life is throwing at me, but he has made me the answer book for many...I may sometimes feel the darkness all around , but he has made me lighthouse for many..I wonder HOW ...and the more I wonder..the more I feel grateful..rather grateful would be the wrong word...the more closeness  feel with the Master.

This year again on 3rd December , he came to Delhi. I waited for him for about 1.5 hours early morning at 6 am but he didn't come to give Darshan. I had an urgent training at work to co ordinate so had to leave. Later, some of my students shared pics of meeting Guurji. I was happy for them :) But inside I felt so helpless and in shackles..The one who told me to do job...today I couldn't leave work for HIM??? But then a voice from inside came," This is not what your Master teaches you". Evading responsibilities is no knowledge. The work was such that no one else could have done. The only mistake probably I did was to schedule the training at the client site for 3rd December. 

With a very heavy heart, I had to leave. It was painful to not meet him. I can't express it in words. My work has become my sadhna. Till 4th January, I am committed to my job. I can't do anything by which I can't stand in front of my Master.  I want to go in front of him with a feeling of making my Guru proud, But it's very difficult to convince yourself with logic when it comes to love. Guruji, you know how I am feeling. You know how painful this longing is. I don;t know what;s in -store but I want to meet you!

The only solace was that I met him at the Airport. I was full. I had nothing to say, nothing to ask. I know he is there. That's all I need. With you besides, I can face the world and confidently say, " Bring it on!"