Hum Kab seekhenGAY??

This post is a ranting and I am stating it right in the beginning since I believe what I am going to share deserves this. So how many genders has God made? Male, Female, and then there is an unsaid third option. This post is about the “third option” which is less spoken about. And whenever done, it’s mostly to ridicule and make fun. And the reason of writing this is the turmoil one of my Gay friends ( Let’s say XX) is undergoing.

In my college, I had a gay friend. The best thing about him was that he accepted himself the way he was. He had his own dressing sense, loved wearing kajal and was pretty happy being surrounded by girls. He, for most of the times, at least what experiences I had, was indifferent to the comments and remarks of the other “normal” guys. And I respected him immensely for his strength and valor. At that point in time, I did not know about a perspective which I encountered recently.

So my gay college friend in college was a “sissy” one. With all due respect to him, one was able to make out he is gay. With his body language, tone, dressing sense etc. But there are many “manly” ones who come as a surprise. I mean I could never make out of that my friend XX is gay. Never ever could imagine! But the point isn’t that. The issue is – SO WHAT if he is a GAY???!!!!

It is something decided by nature. Like God or the super force has created male and females, they have created them too. So what’s the big deal? But alas, at least in India, it is a taboo. There is a “Haw” culture on knowing this. The shocking revelation was of another person I know who is married and has a child BUT is also a gay!! I am sure he had to hide it because Indians doesn't give them the freedom to speak it out. They are scared of the consequences. Why can’t people give them space in India?

Though all the “normal” ones “show” that they are OK with it, the way they make fun of them is disgusting! I recently had an office celebration wherein my office colleagues were making fun of a person who “apparently” they thought is a gay! And they shared their silly jokes they cracked on him with me too. Now do you think in such scenarios people can open up about their orientations and relax? As a kid, I have also made fun of some TV characters who imitated to be like them. But now I realize what appears to be joke for us becomes a nightmare for them

My friend XX can’t accept to his friends and family about it. Family is still understandable since it’s the hardest for them to accept but friends are meant to share out everything – especially secrets. But he fears revealing it to many. And the second fear is what if others come to know - how would they react, their comments, their taunting, seclusion from him. And his fears are not just imaginary. People have been doing this behind his back and to even hear of the cases from him is appalling.

C’mon guys. It’s not in their hands. And they can’t change it. But our acceptance can help them open up and live a normal life. It can happen to anyone and imagine any of your family members being one. Would you comment in the same way? Won’t you want them to accept them and give them space? Then please give them too! Ok! So another contention given could be you don’t understand since it’s about a Gay, not a Lesbo. I think my reaction would still have been the same. Definitely I may not have been so comfortable but I wouldn't have made fun or made them feel any low. Hello! They DON’T have a disease! It’s just a play of nature.

My vent has been only because of seeing my friend in distress. I can’t explain in words how confused he was. He wants to run away from Delhi because he doesn't feel things would be any good here in future. Rather it may just go worse. I felt helpless while he was narrating his ordeal. I couldn't help him much except for emotional support. It’s his battle I know and he would need to fight it. BUT in my own right, I shall support him and all others like him to be strong, accept it and face it with head held high. Fine, all may not embrace them with open arms but they shall always find support and solace in a chunk.

So it’s a request PLEASE stop doing this. What you do to others shall be done to you some day!  The play of Karma is such.

Send blessings for my Friend XX. He shall be gone soon and I will miss the good times :) If he gets to read this, all I want to say is I love you and I am there just a call away! :)

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Keep Smiling

Swati :)