Be-loved's Day!

Oh Man!!  It’s been soooooooo long. At times I had nothing to say, when I had, I didn’t have words and when I had both, didn’t find time J

I feel at times I write in a language which others would love to read. It would have happened with most of the writers I guess. But today I want to share what I felt or is feeling even while writing this. It may sound absurd, non sensical, out of the world..so be it! Today is Janmasthmi – my beloved’s B’day! - A day which comes once in a year and so it becomes MOST important to share my experience and feeling. (After all, it’s THE thing in life!)

We, as a group, have been listening to Narada Bhakti Sutras – aphorisms on what love actually is (bhakti). Today’s video was all about Gopis and Krishna and the longing and love Gopis had for HIM. Tears were rolling down while listening to the stories. I could feel it. I felt like crying my heart out and it’s so difficult to control the emotions when you are in a group! I don’t know if I’m a gopi or not but Krishna has always melted something inside me. Since childhood, Vrindavan has been one of the places of solace. I love Vrindavan and Baake Bihari. It may seem a mythological story but I feel something deep inside whenever I go there. Krishna stories make my heart open up. Radhe Govind and Radhe Shyam take me to some other world. Even before the arrival of the living Krishna in my life, I strongly felt the connection. Daily I would do the rituals in the home temple..bathing gopala, prasadam, aarti etc. Perhaps I was lucky and God was benevolent, he sent Sri Sri in my life J

Starting the morning today with the Gopis video already had made me go in that mode. Post that, luckily I got to attend janmasthmi occasion at a family which follows ESKCON. What an aura! Soothing bahjans and krishna sewa..getting bathed, dressed, served. Amazinggg!! I could feel the life in the idols. Krishna sitting and smiling J  It was followed by recitation of Chapter 2 of Bhagvad Geeta. The chants and the meanings were celestial!

All this was enough to intensify my longing. The thoughts were only of him. I’ve found my Krishna in Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. How..when..why don’t know but that’s the only thing I know. Last year, Guruji was in Delhi on the day of Janmasthmi. This year, I missed him. I wanted to meet him and then I realized what to do to meet him…close my eyes and meditateJ Guru Puja in the evening and the Krishna bhajans that followed again brought me in that mode. Again so difficult to control the tears! Life is bliss when the divine dwells in your heart and his thoughts occupy your mind. Before the Guru Puja, I’d been telling everyone how hungry I was but after it, while others were busy eating, I didn’t feel like having anything! For a while, it was just me and him. Everyone was in front of my eyes yet my vision was somewhere else. I was hearing the sounds but listening to his voice. I wanted to run away to a quite and isolated place but I realized t would be of no use ‘coz he is in my heart not in any place :)

Went to see jhaakis in a nearby temple. The bhaav in me was in abundance. For a while I felt it may seem a show off but then I thought it’s my beloved’s bday! Why to spoil it by thinking what others will be thinking. Chuck and chill! Suddenly I wanted to go to another temple which had gufa (cave) in it. We went and saw a hugeee rush. The rush was visible 1 km before the temple! Many thought it was impossible and would take hours and to drop the idea and come some other day but I wanted to go! How?? No idea but the only thing in my mind was mujhe jaana hai!  And lo and behold! Some known one came and gave us passes!! Within few minutes we had amazing darshan!! THAT moment, it was like..HE is right there!! Walking with me..guiding me..just there for me J

I heard Rishi Vidyadharji saying,” Guru ke apne ban jao but guru ko bhi apna mat mano warna rishto mein baandh loge”..expectations will arise but if the feeling remains “my life is yours Guruji”, we will be free. I have seen Guruji many times but haven’t met him personally one-on-one. He’s never taken my name or called me. But I know he is there and he knows me. He loves me dearly and shows it quite often J

A blog post is too small a thing to express the feeling of THIS day. Feeling grateful and indebted to my master for the experience of the Krishna consciousness. No relationship is fulfilling as the divine love.

Loads of love erupting today from the bottom of my heart <3 font="font">

Keep Smiling,

Swati